Lovers in Alabama Hills
I'm not going to lie. There is a moment, though few and far between, where being a single person, and wedding photographer at the same time, kinda hurts.
Looking through my lens, at a couple beginning their life together. Going through thousands of snapshots in time, glimpses of a two people in such real and loving moments with each other. It is hard not to want a little piece of that.
I have been describing myself as "consciously single".
Right now, I'm choosing to be on my own even though I don't really want to be. Because, I know how easy it would be to just latch on the the next guy who gives me a bit of attention. Just a bit of temporary affection for short term validation and gratification. And that wouldn't be real. It wouldn't be anything like these moments I've captured.
I don't want to be that person who needs someone else to feel like I'm worth something. Looking back, I can see how it has negatively impacted my past relationships. My last boyfriend even pointed it out,
I denied and rationalized it for so long, but he was right in a way. I used to describe him as my home, the only place I felt safe. Whenever something bad happened, I would run to him and just his presence made it better. I guess, sometimes, I just want someone to take care of me.
So, for now, I'm taking this time to build myself into a strong person who can stand alone and take care of her self. And maybe one day, I'll have what these people do.